Dating and Having a Disability

I was at my friend's house a few weeks ago and we got into a discussion about dating and our experiences, so I thought I would share my thoughts on the topic.As you read this blog, I hope that I do not come across as needy or desperate because that certainly was not my intention. I am writing these blogs to share my experiences and to share my story with you.

Dating is difficult whether you are disabled or not, but I think it is a lot more difficult for people with disabilities.  Having a disability and being a wheelchair user, I have found, puts me at a disadvantage with men as compared to able-bodied women when it comes to dating. Using a wheelchair has a certain negative, unattractive social stigma because, in my experience, men assumed that because I am in a wheelchair, I cannot do things for myself and they would have to help me and take care of me. These experiences have made me very insecure when it comes to dating. My insecurities get in the way sometimes and I have difficulty expressing my feelings. I've never really had a significant relationship. 

I remember when I told my very first crush that I liked him, he told me, “I don’t want to date you because I would have to help you.”  Granted, I was too young to date at the time, but it took me a LONG time to get over that.   I realize now that he assumed I needed help all the time because I had an aide with me in school every day until the 10th grade. I really did not need that much help in school and as I got older I became more and more independent. I am excited that I am going to move into my own apartment soon. The only thing that I really need "help" with at the moment is driving.

Online dating is very popular these days and I’ve known and heard of people who have met and married their significant others on the internet. I’ve decided to give it a try and when I first began online dating I did not disclose right away that I was in a wheelchair. I wanted to see what the reaction would be.  I noticed that when it was not out in the open that I am a wheelchair user more men contacted me, however when they found out that I was in a wheelchair they said they do not want to date someone in a wheelchair or they would just stop communication. When I openly stated that I was in a wheelchair I was not being contacted at all. I have tried dating sites for disabled singles and it was not for me. I have found that all the men talk about was how miserable they were and guys who were interested in me were a lot more disabled than I am.  I would not mind dating someone who has the same level of ability as me, but I physically would not be able to help these people.  I feel like a hypocrite when I say that because I am not giving guys a chance for the same reason that guys choose not to date me.

I've never been the type of person who is desperate to be in a relationship and I don't need a guy to make me happy, but it would be nice to have someone to share my life with.  At this point in my life I am not looking to get married or have a family. I am just going to keep doing my own thing and one day it will happen for me.  There is someone out there for everyone!